Adoption Anniversary

Well, I guess this will be a successful blog.  Especially since one of my friends almost allowed his "inner troll" (his words, not mine!) out yesterday after reading my first post.  While I listed the various componets that made up our diverse family, I absolutely failed to mention that I am the one in my family who is deaf.  Nothing that I am ashamed of, just didn't think to mention it.  I'm saving more on this topic for tomorrow's post.  =)

Today, I have something special to write about.  It's the 24th anniversary of Sean's, my oldest son, arrival in our family.  Let me share his story.  We could definitely see God at work during his placement with us.

Steve and I were foster parents for many years.  Sean was our first "long-term" placement.  He was with another foster family, until they found out through testing, that he was profoundly deaf.  They promptly wrote a letter asking the agency to remove him as soon as possible.  They didn't feel they could handle his deafness.  I was currently a foster care social worker in the same agency, and it was well known I was deaf!  After a futile search to find another family, they approached us and asked if we would consider fostering him.  We didn't have any children at the time and both of us were employed.  We were agreeable as long as my hours could be reduced to no more than three days per week. 

Anyone who knows me, knows my aversion to day care.  I make no judgements.  Every family has to do what is right for them.  But, Steve and I wanted to avoid this scenario for our family.  Putting Sean somewhere else five days per week didn't constitute caring for him in my book.  Three days per week with a babysitter was "tolerable".   Should I mention that we found out we were pregnant with Heather just six weeks later.  Part-time went down to resigning at the end of the year.  I'm very fortunate that Steve has worked so hard over the years to allow me to stay home and care for my family.  I know many women who don't have this priviledge and my heart goes out to them.

The first "miracle" was the agency's agreement to allow me to adjust my hours to part-time.  This had never been done before and they weren't sure if it could be a successful endeavor.  There are many requirements that have to be met for each child in care from regular visits, written reports, medical appointments, court appearances, etc.  Fortunately, I was able to reduce my caseload and show them how it could be done part-time.  So, we made plans for him to move to our house and May 5, 1989 it was.  Yahoo!

The second "miracle" had to do with his hearing.  From the very beginning, I was skeptical of his "profound deafness" diagnosis.  I have a severe loss in my right ear, and a profound loss in my left.  He was far too responsive to noise for a profoundly deaf child.  Especially a child who didn't even have hearing aids.  Two months later, we followed up with the audiologist only to discover his hearing was perfectly normal. 

I was shocked at this follow up appointment, so let me explain.  When a hearing test is done, the volume of sounds used to test a profound loss would be considered pain for someone with normal hearing.  Sean was too bright and alert to ignore that level of noise.  How anyone ever came up with a "profoundly deaf" prognosis was a big mystery, unless you give it to God.  I've often told Sean that he was meant to be in our family.  If it wasn't for that mistaken diagnosis, he would have likely stayed with the first foster family and eventually adopted by them or someone else.  God had other plans and, boy, am I glad he did!

The third "miracle" was that we got to keep him and make him a forever Simons'.  Someone, who knew my crazy husband well, said to us after we adopted him, that he was going to grow up and sue our state governement for placing him in such a nutty family!  lol  His biological father saw him once at a medical appointment.  He was very kind to Sean, but also very blunt.  He said he had no real ability to care for him since he had another child and was already working multiple jobs to make ends meet.  He signed away his parental rights without ever seeing him again.  His biological mother never saw him once...not.one.time.  =(

Back in the early 1990's, biological parents were given many more opportunities to regain custody of their children.  Going to court and being granted "six more months" was very common in my experience as a social worker.  But, it meant that, while the biological parents were given more time, the children got older.  They were less likely to stay with their foster families and less likely to be adopted.  They experienced frequent moves which resulted in attachment disorders.  It was a vicious cycle with the children paying the highest price.  For five and a half years, his biological mother went to court and asked for more time...and never visited.  The only way Steve and I were able to handle this long wait was the grace of God and knowing if she never visited him, there was a slim to none chance he would ever return home.  We weren't looking to take away her son, but he deserved a "forever family".  Finally, the agency had enough "weight" to ask the court to involuntarily terminate her rights.  We had a big ol' party after we went to court on September 16, 1994.

God blessed us with you, Sean and I'm so glad he did.  May 5th will always be one of my favorite days of the year in memory of that handsome little boy with the huge brown eyes. 

I love you more!